Joys of bureaucracy
I had a wonderfully bureaucratic morning …
7:30AM: I stopped at an ATM to get some cash, and the receipt said “Card retained. Contact your financial institution.” After a few phone calls and a couple of escalations, I discovered that my recent purchasing habits have been suspicious (hey, who doesn’t do the Kiev-Beijing-Seattle-Chile-Colombia restaurant/bar tour occasionally?), and it set off my bank’s automated fraud detector. A new debit card will arrive in 48 hours, just in time for the next trip, and I get to pay $50 for the privilege.
7:40AM: I turned right (north) on 3rd Avenue downtown, meaning to go around the block to park on 2nd. Hmm, “no right turn 6-9AM.” So I went another block; same sign. And block after block had these silly signs. Finally, as I approached Virginia, it looked like I’d be able to turn left soon … but a traffic cop stepped out in the street and motioned me to the curb. And he then started writing me a ticket for driving more than one block on 3rd during rush hour, a privilege restricted to buses during that time.
While I watched him scribble away, I looked around to see the sign I had missed. Nothing. So I hopped out to walk over and politely ask him to show me the sign. RED ALERT! There were a bunch of other cops nearby that I hadn’t seen, and they all started screaming as if I was going to kill this guy. Soon I was discussing with three cops the question of whether this silly little law is well-marked on the signs. Let’s just say we disagreed. Then, as a sign of appreciation for my thoughtful questions, they wanted to see my registration, my insurance card, my last emmissions inspection, the usual BS. I noticed that the insurance card was expired, so when I handed them all the paperwork I said “take your time, guys, I’ve got all day” … and then they rushed through it and didn’t notice it was expired, he he he. Showed them! (Tip for dealing with traffic cops: they’re like kids, you should always insist they do the opposite of what you really want, and their natural uncooperativeness will usually make them comply with your wishes.)
8:00AM: after all that bureacracy, it was nice to finally arrive at the federal building (915 2nd Ave), where I went through the metal detectors and on up to the 9th floor passport office, with its huge photos of Dick, George, and Condi on the wall. After filling out the wrong form and then the right form (it’s “additional visa pages,” not an “extension,” idiot!), I finally had a nice bureaucratic experience. Charles Drake was a sweetheart: polite, efficient, respectful, cooperative … how he got a job in the State Department I’ll never know. Seriously, if you ever go to that office, wait for the big white guy with the beard.
Anyway, courtesy of Charles, here’s my tip for those of you who fill up your passports and need more visa pages: have them do a “double.” Seriously … it costs no more, takes the same amount of time, and you can get twice as many additional visa pages just for asking. Just say “Supersize Me, America!”
I’m due to pick up my new much-fatter passport tomorrow. What could go wrong now?
This entry was posted on Monday, May 21st, 2007 at 1:24 pm. You can subscribe to comments on this post through its RSS feed.
on May 21, 2007 at 3:59 pm Tom wrote:
I was in line behind someone whose card was “retained” (read: stolen) at Walgreens a couple of weeks ago. He had decided, bless his heart, that he was going to wait there until someone from the bank came and explained to him in person why his card was retained. He had talked to someone (probably in one of those countries that got your card flagged) a few times, but it was a Sunday afternoon. And as it was a Walgreens ATM, I suspect that the only person who would EVER come is the guy in the coveralls with the gun who empties the machine. Fat lot of good he’ll do himself talking to that guy. Anyhow, he decided no one else could use the machine until he got his card back. He was almost instantly the Most Popular Guy at Walgreens. But while he annoyed me, I could certainly understand the impotent, emasculating rage he was experiencing.
I was reminded of that movie with Michael Douglas, Falling Down, about the guy who just lost his mind when too much crap like you’re describing happened. There were some very satisfying scenes (that would get you totally disappeared by your traffic cops) — if you haven’t seen it already, you might enjoy it.
BTW, I heard just today about Seattle’s new(?) laws about shoulder-riders — apparently aggressive shoulder-riders get a $250 ticket AND have to go back to the end of the line, right? Not that you’re a shoulder-rider, but stand warned — they’re slowly triangulating on drivers who aren’t unfailingly, irritatingly, inefficiently nice now. Your rage will not diminish — it will likely only grow.
on May 22, 2007 at 10:31 am Scott B wrote:
I would bet a weeks paycheck that you walked into a trap. They probably sit there all week and just milk the poor chaps that come down that road and actually read the signs… god bless our elite rent’a'cops.
I am sure there is some far more important victimless crime they could be intently working on… Rick’s raid anyone?? =)
on May 22, 2007 at 10:53 am Tom wrote:
I just got back from a drive to Milwaukee and back for a meeting, and during the drive, they were talking on the radio about a woman who had her checks denied at Target and Best Buy because she had written too many in a certain period of time. They both use payment assurance company (one of those places that will guarantee the store its money and go after the customer or their bank if the check bounces), and that company red-flagged her for writing too many checks. Not her bank, some company. She was writing a lot of checks because her house had burned down and she was starting a household over again.
They told her she could apply for their Gold Member status, at which point she could write more checks. If any were rejected (by them) for any reason, though, she would have to pay a $50 surcharge.
It’s highway robbery, no? And it’s not even the bank, so you can’t change it. All you can do is shop with cash or credit cards, or choose to boycott the 75% of businesses that use these payment assurance companies now.
I wish I could remember the name of the company — anyhow, bankers were calling in saying that there are several of these outfits. The banks don’t like them because people logically but incorrectly believe the banks have something to do with it.
on May 22, 2007 at 11:15 am tracy wrote:
poor doug. sounds like you need a drink. so when are you and megan available for such activity?
on May 22, 2007 at 2:11 pm Doug wrote:
Hi Tracy, thanks for picking up on my intended message: Doug needs the pity of women who will buy him a drink.
So, uh, want to meet us in Bellevue tonight? We need to do some shopping for an upcoming trip to a continent neither of us has been to before.
Got the passport back today. 46 virgin pages, ready for immigration officials all over the planet to mess them up.
on May 22, 2007 at 2:12 pm Doug wrote:
Tom, your story has me convinced that banks make their money on drugs and gambling. They obviously don’t make their money on their services, since they all seem to get pissed if you use those services too much.
on May 22, 2007 at 4:40 pm Tom wrote:
Are you going to Africa? Short of Antarctica, that’s all I can see in your history where you haven’t been.
Keen! (He says, nerdily.) Where are you going?
And yeah, I was genuinely bummed by the time I got home today. My meeting was too short for the drive, gas was crazy expensive, and the stories from caller after caller to the radio show about how we simply can’t win at the sport of Having Money were really getting me down. I kind of felt worked over, and I hadn’t even lost my ATM card to a stack of wires and circuits.
Hey, I need to take you guys up on your generosity and get involved in Second Life again. Times are tight right now, but maybe by the time you guys are back on this continent, I’ll have things squared away enough where we can go dancing or pillaging or something.
on May 22, 2007 at 8:30 pm nick wrote:
Doug I would buy you a drink or three, just two little problems. those pesky hills and I don’t have the proper female parts. But i do say next time I come over and you and megan are not busy lets do lunch….
on May 23, 2007 at 11:17 am tracy wrote:
sorry doug, didn’t get the invite to exciting bellevue until today… how about drinks on the westside some time soon… i’m taking a much needed liver holiday today but should be ready to drink tomorrow (thursday). you guys up for it?
on May 23, 2007 at 1:45 pm Doug wrote:
Tracy, we’ll be up late packing tomorrow night for … shhh, IBM may be reading this … Africa. I just picked up a couple of shirts last night that look like something you’d wear around the lodge on the Serengetti, so I think I’m ready fashion-wise.
Nick, yes lunch.
Tom, SL misses you.
Not enough hours in the week this week! Have to run …
on October 11, 2007 at 5:39 pm Big brother is watching | Doug’s World wrote:
[…] I have all the luck. As faithful Doug’s World readers know, I got a pretty silly traffic ticket a few months ago. And now this: a ticket for running a red light, from a hidden camera monitoring […]