Dough!
OK, this is something I’ve wanted to complain about many times. Today’s the day. Finally.
My rhetorical question is very simple: why the hell do so many people call me “Dough”?
Not out loud, mind you. Only once, in a Chicago courtroom long ago (don’t ask), can I recall somebody saying “dough” out loud. Dough Mao, actually, and I rather like the name; I can still hear that stern portly court clerk barking it out.
No, I’m talking about email, where people often address me as “Dough.” I just did a search, and at this very moment there are 46 such emails in my in-box. That’s quite a few, especially when you consider that I sometimes delete them without reading beyond the damn “h” when they start that way. (You think I’m non-responsive on email now, just try starting your emails with “Dough.”)
I thought at first it was an English-as-a-second-language thing, sort of like how everyone in France calls me Doog. (I like that, actually.) But there’s no pattern to this abuse. I have all kinds of people emailing “Dough,” from many countries, speakers of many languages, everyone from peons to upper management, including people with advanced degrees in everything under the sun. And it seems to be getting worse. I’ve even noticed people who had emailed me as “Doug” suddenly switch to “Dough,” as if somebody got to them and told them what to do. “It’s a little thing we like to do around here, keeps him humble you know.”
Microsoft takes a lot of pride in being an accepting, diverse, culturally sensitive place, so I sure hope this stuff only happens to us white males. Otherwise, we’re in big trouble the first time somebody not named Moohammed or Songjay files a lawsuit. Well, not “we” … I’ll take the other side and get even for this daily indignation, by golly. “Yes, your honor, it’s demeaning and makes me feel abused and worthless, but I just thought it was best to keep turning the other cheek. Maybe I’ve just brought this on myself by dressing like the Pillsbury Dougboy … I should probably stop wearing the chef’s hat.”
I better stop writing before I think of anything else that pisses me off this much. It’s time to delete 46 emails and call it a day.
This entry was posted on Friday, January 18th, 2008 at 7:58 pm. You can subscribe to comments on this post through its RSS feed.
on January 18, 2008 at 8:18 pm Megan wrote:
Oh, doughling.
on January 19, 2008 at 12:28 am Tom wrote:
At risk of drawing your ire, I feel compelled to admit that I clicked your new image’s belly several times and did the giggle to myself. Lizzie didn’t come downstairs to investigate, but I’m sure she’ll ask tomorrow.
Before you get too mad at me, kindly keep in mind that I truly do have two Pillsbury Doughboys (one vintage, one reproduction) over my desk as I type this. They are among my favorite office ornaments, and I do the analog version of this belly-poking nonsense anyway. Nora (now six) almost has the laugh down, though she tends to sound a little more maniacal than the original. Go figure. Anyhow, all I’m saying is that the Pillsbury Doughboy makes me disproportionately happy, and if others feel this rush of unbridled joy anytime they see his little kerchief and belly, it may explain the genuine interest in all things Dough.
How’s that for creepy lemonade out of annoying lemons?
And just for perspective’s sake, perhaps it could be worse. We had a substitute teacher (a SUBSTITUTE, for God’s sake, as if he already didn’t command any respect) in junior high named Dick Seaman. A good guy, but kind of hamstrung right out of the gates. With a name like that and out of a 42-minute period, he was able to dedicate less than twenty minutes to teaching on average. I bet he’d LOVE to be Dough for a day.
I remember a bit of this (regarding your last name, anyway) from when you lived here, but as I recall, we typically called in food orders for Doug Matthews. I bet the owners of Magic Dragon, wherever they are now, would still know Mr. Matthews.
But my silliness aside, I’m sorry this is happening to you. I don’t have a similar experience with which to compare, though I do apparently look like a Mike (anyone who forgets my name almost invariably calls me Mike). I don’t have the e-mail stats to back this up, but I can understand on some level why it’s annoying.
Maybe it’s muscle memory or something? Seems like the kind of thing where an otherwise trained finger would tack that “H” on at the end of your name. Still, it doesn’t instill confidence that your sender knows you or is paying attention.
Dough Mao makes me hungry for dim sum, though. (Steamy dumplings, regimented behavior.)
on January 19, 2008 at 2:53 am Nic wrote:
Is spell check to blame, perhaps?
on January 19, 2008 at 11:25 am Doug wrote:
Tom, I had forgotten the deep respect you have for Pillsbury’s mascot. Maybe that’s more widespread than I realize, in which case I should be happy I guess.
Nic, I’ve wondered the same thing. I’ve seen colleagues do spell check on an email and accept all corrections without paying attention to what they’re changing, which would explain those who “correct” their previous “error” of spelling it correctly. Maybe there’s a way to add to my Outlook signature a hyperlink entitled “click here to add Doug to your dictionary.”
on January 19, 2008 at 9:47 pm orcmid wrote:
I wonder if people are thrown by the tension between Doug and Mahugh. I only pronounced Mahugh correctly the first time because I have a friend named Hugh. (Our oldest son is called Duggie by his mom — Doug has 4 parents — and he has used some version of “Dug” in creating e-mail accounts in the past.) My friend Hugh, on the other hand was happy to answer to “Huge” and he had “Huge 1″ as his vanity plates at some point. He claimed it was true.
on January 20, 2008 at 6:29 am Thomas wrote:
Hi Doug(h),
my brother had a schoolfriend called Dag (maybe the germanized version of your name or short form of Dagobert - but anyway I never again heard it). Don’t worry, other names have at least as many spellings (like Susan, Suzanne, Susanne,…). And dough doesn’t seem to be an ugly word to me (http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=dough).
Thomas (Tomas, Tomasz, …)
on January 20, 2008 at 11:50 am Doug wrote:
You’re right, Thomas, it could be much worse.
on January 25, 2008 at 12:36 pm molly bradley wrote:
here too, dammit. bastard blog spitting out my comments.
on January 28, 2008 at 4:35 pm Doug wrote:
OK, I have to be careful here. I’ve now received two apologetic emails from coworkers who had called me Dough.
From which I conclude two things:
1) More coworkers follow the personal blog than I realized.
2) The sarcasm in the anger above may not come across to non-native English speakers.
Molly, it’s my fault the blog ate your comment. Please try again … I fear we’ve all missed out on something entertaining.
on January 28, 2008 at 5:53 pm Tom wrote:
Does this mean we can go back to calling you Dough now?